The Bad and the Ugly.

Where do I start? A lot of stuff gets on my nerves. Bad drivers, Bad smokers, Bad eaters, Bad television, Bad smells, Bad service in restaurants.......let the nitpicking begin.

Bad Drivers, you know who you are. If you are not sure, let me help you. If you are driving and I am in the passenger seat, holding onto the door handle. You, my friend, are a bad driver. If your car is in the shop a lot, if you have scuff marks on your mags, if you have black scuff marks on your bumpers, if you need someone to tell you when the light is green, if you don't know which side your gas tank is on....You. Are. A. Bad. Driver.




Bad Smokers, you know who you are. If you are not sure, let me help you. If you smoke anything but Marlboros, Du Mauriers, Benson and Hedges or Export A, you are a bad smoker. If you hold the cigarette between your knuckle and your big knuckle, you are a bad smoker. If you don't inhale, you are NOT a smoker. Please put away the cigarettes, you look dumb. If you smoke a pipe, a cigar or anything that is legal but smells horrific, you aren't a bad smoker; you are a smelly smoker and should be in jail. If you smoke illegal substances and are over the age of 30, you are probably a friend of mine and I love you. (No mom, I don't smoke anything, I am a good girl with the good values you taught me.) If you are under the age of 21 and are smoking the alleged funny stuff, please put it away and study your ass off. You are going to fail the exam you have tomorrow and wish you had listened to me.



Bad eaters, you know who you are. If you are not sure, let me help you. If you talk before you have swallowed, you are gross and I will reconsider having a meal with you again. If you sneeze while there is food in your mouth, and it gets on me..and you are not my daughter; you are really pushing it with me. If we are in a movie theatre, and you are eating popcorn, chew with your mouth closed. I can't hear what Leo is saying and won't know what to fantasize about later. If you have food on your face and keep eating without wiping, you are a bad eater and should be put in jail with the smelly smoker.